booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
