what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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