Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
