someone owes me an orgasm
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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