Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
