How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
