explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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