Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
