He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
