I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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