so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
