I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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