Kiss
Puke
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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