He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
