Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
