When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
