i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
