which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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