she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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