this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
