I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
