even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
