He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
