So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
