when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
