apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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