The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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