i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
