So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
