I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
