I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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