I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
