I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
