she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
