Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
