Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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