Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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