I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
