So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
