i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
