I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
