I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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