I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
