Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
