North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
