fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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