I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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