just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
