I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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