I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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